A TATTOOIST, TWO SNARLING DOGS AND A MONKEY WITH A SAUCEPAN

Steve, what do you want to tell us?

Morning Danny, right you asked about strange things on other people's houses…..

Why were you in someone's house for a start Steve?

Well it were a tattooists and I went for a tattoo on..

You went for a tattoo - Hey hey! How many tattoos have you got?

About ten.

Wow he's a tattooed man!.......So what tattoo were you going for at the time?

At the time I went, it was a rose with an Ace of Spades.

Okay I've got that…We're going to a tattooist's house now Aliss! - Go on, what's a tattooist's house like?........One second Steve, after we come back from New York Ollie, organise a show from a tattoo parlour - this is a great idea, go on.

So I'm sat in his house and there's a fish tank in the corner…

Mmm

So I goes to look in it and there's nought in it…….So I says "What's in here then"? And he says, "Well there's a Python" and I says "Well there's nought in here" and he says, "He's knocking about somewhere!"

-MAD LAUGHTER-

Aliss - What man keeps a snake in a fish tank?

Oh that's were you keep them Aliss, that's common practise. It's like giving a hamster a wheel. Brear Python gets very depressed and walks around with his hands in his pockets, kicking stones and his bottom lip sticking out, if you don't give him an aquarium.

So I start getting worried like and I'm sat there and there's a lot of commotion coming from the kitchen.

Yeah!

So I says, "What's going off?" and he told me to go and have a look. It were kind of saloon doors if you know what I mean?….

Yeah

So I looked over top and there's a monkey up curtains with a saucepan in his hand….

Mmm

With a Bull Terrier sat at bottom….

"It's a tattooist's house - Hey, hey!" So there you are Steve, you look behind the curtain, there was a monkey with a saucepan….

That's right!

Carry on.

And two snarling Staffordshire Bull Terriers..

Laughing - "Inevitably! - I take that as read…"

And just imagine it, all over flooring is lumps of leather and studs from what Bob told me after, the dogs used to eat each others collars and spit studs out, they were that mad!

Yeah

One pulling curtain with monkey on top, the other running round in circles and as they calm down, the monkey climbs down the curtain and whacks dog on head with saucepan..

-MAD LAUGHTER-

And then back up and it starts again

Are you sure you're not reliving a previous life as one of Fred Carno's troop? So the monkey would wait at the top of the curtain for the dogs to really hit a peak of madness, would rush down….

-Caller laughs!-

See even you're laughing and you were there…..and then would hit the dogs with a saucepan?

Yeah

That kind of thing would never ever fault for dramatic interest, I could watch that all day

Andy Darling - See the wild card in all this is the Python that was knocking around somewhere. Did it join in?

Well I went back three weeks later and it were back in fish Tank

Mmm Mmm

So I don't know where it had been, but it were back in Fish Tank.

If our people off air take down a vague address of Bob's Tattoo Parlour, do you think it's still there?

No! I don't think it's there any more.

We couldn't find out could we?

It were up near Alinshire Hospital in Sheffield..

Aaah! The hospital for people who have delusions and illusions, as somebody might walk out of casualty and into a would be tattooist's parlour…..Would that be the same?……