TIME, DIMENSIONALITY & ONE EYED BABIES IN A NUTSHELL

I think I've got an answer to your dimensions question.

Which part of the question?

Ah............... none of it.

Ah!

But, um, on a little tangent however….

A tangent from dimensions?

Yeah! ......... You've got two eyes right?

When we're first conceived we only have one eye actually. But then as we………it's one of the features in the womb that breaks into two; but interestingly you only have one.

Can I just say that Dr. H. is just looking very……….

No, it's true.

Wait one second Keith. When we're in the womb, we just have one big eye?

Well you're wrong.

< LAUGHTER >

I believe so, I read it in a M.E.N.S.A. Journal.

It breaks into two?

Yeah, at the very start it's one eye and it splits into two, Yeah.

< MORE DISBELIEVING LAUGHTER >

I'd like to think that. I'm with Allis on this one, that in the womb we've just got one big eye.

< LAUGHTER >

When you go and have that thing, where they take that photograph of the baby for the first time and you see this big eye staring right back at you.

< LAUGHTER >

What do you say then Keith, sorry Keith, go on.

Well, we've got two eyes and we can see in 3D right?

Yes.

If you close one of your eyes, you can see in 2D.

PAUSE……..No, I don't buy that at all.

Try it then.

Of course we're trying it, but it looks exactly the same.

It does not! Try this one though.....

It's you, you're wacky, you're not hooked up right. So lets presume this nonsense for a minute.

Okay, now you get an extra eye right,……three eyes?

Yeah

Can you see in four dimensions?

That presumes your argument, that with one eye you see in only 1D and you don't.

No, 2D you fool!

< Oohs and Aahs >

I can't even do the 2D thing.

You're a freak!

No, I'm sorry, we're all with me on this aren't we? Just before you go Keith and believe me, you are just going…

< LAUGHTER >

Dr. H. here, who is a professional Doctor and has done the whole thing, certificates and who does surgery, actually had a stethoscope with her this morning. She's a proper Doctor right?

She's been a Dentist as well.

Dabbled in Dentistry. She was listening to you when you said - " Listen you fool, you've got to do it". She did what Doctors aren't supposed to do and she raised one index finger to her temple and waved it around.

< MAD LAUGHTER >

and that was her diagnosis………… So, just one eye Allis?

I read it in,............ I think it was the New Scientist.

In Extremely New and Barmy Scientist.

< LAUGHTER >

It's a tangent from that, it's the Barmy Scientist. That would be great wouldn't it, if New Scientist had coming out next Barmy Scientist? All the stuff that it had to reject, but it's good. Glen, what do you want to add to this because……..um, I love this, but I've no idea what I'm talking about?

Hello Dan.

Yes Glen.

Hello, well one of the tests of dimensionality……..if we say for a start that we live in a four-dimensional world…

Why?

Because (pause)…..if you remove one of the dimensions, the object, or space, or whatever, ceases to exist.

< Hillbilly type chase music fades in and laughter in the studio >

Mmm, Okay

So the fourth dimension being time

Right

As you say, when you come into the world you, you know, you have a volume, you are there, you pop out.

Right

You are also existing in time. There is a time that you know you are there. You remove one of those…….

Yeah, I've got here Johnny in Camden has rung in and said an image is one-dimensional, but the fact that's it's on paper makes it two-dimensional surely?

No it's three-dimensional.

All right, so, um, yeah, it's on paper……I need tangible stuff here, give me tangible stuff. Say Dan, You know your microphone, you can go around it and it's there. But what else can there be, or is it just nice to speculate there might be other stuff?

I think time is considered the fourth dimension only colloquially, it's just because it's another measure that we can understand.

We're just making it up then?

No, although the fourth dimension probably isn't time, it's probably another dimension, which hasn't got a name.

I'm sure we're all totally fed up, but I'm sorry folks (Cue Hillbilly type chase music). There it goes. Join us next week when Dan chases that old concept up and around the neighbourhood, through the pesky farm, right into the chicken coop.

One dimension is this. Right it's a line.

Yeah, or even a spot because that is a line.

Ha Hey………..(Mad Laughter from Dan and Hillbilly type chase music fades in)

Excuse me, a spot is a line….if I take my magnifying glass…..

Go on then, go on…..

If you're talking about a line as a physical line, like a pencil line…..

Yes

Then, that has three dimensions, If you go into that, there is a thickness of graphite there, it has length, width….

So, what kind of line are you talking about then?

Me?

Yeah, what kind of line has no thickness, apart from Millwall's defensive line….Thank you everybody, I'm here for a week, try the liver. Now which kind of line has no thickness?

No, no, I'm saying…….my problem is that we live, we exist in a four-dimensional world….

Says you

If you remove any one of those dimensions, it ceases to exist.

All right, all right, let's say that baloney's been bought right and by the way, here's some real baloney and over here I think is some ersatz baloney that we're dealing with…phoney baloney just over here…..The fifth dimension anyone? I know it's very easy for me to have a pop….I desperately want to understand this but, ……….Fifth dimension? Sixth? Seven? Anyone for the Eighth? Why is there eleven then?

I don't know, that's what I'd like to know. I mean I'd like to understand that. I'd like a Nuclear Physicist to come on and tell me exactly the other dimensions are and how therefore they can know there are eleven.

All right, okay.

Anyone will do.

A one-dimensional universe would be what?

I'm no great expert at this, but I guess it would be a spot.

How about a photograph, isn't a photograph one-dimensional?

That's two-dimensional.

Why is that two-dimensional?

That's flat.

What's the difference between a spot and a photograph of a spot, what's that?

That would be two-dimensional.

Well, all right.

A one-dimensional universe would be removing the two we know exist. So it would be removing any combination in width, breadth and height. Take any of those two away………….Along these lines, the idea is, suppose you took away one of those dimensions and you're left with a universe in which only breadth and width existed. You have no concept of height or depth right?

< Danny laughs >

No, no!

All right, all right. You thought I was making a joke about you there.

No I didn't.

I can't get a concept about what you're talking about.

All right.

…because it's like the concept of a new colour. Well someone says it's a mixture of….No, no it's a brand new colour. You can't think what a new colour is.

Just let me finish the example here.

All right.

You really do exist in a three-dimensional world but you don't have any concept…..we've removed one of them. Supposing I passed a hoop over you, over your body, down to your feet, you would be trapped because you have no concept or understanding of height; you have no concept of moving up and down; you can't step out of it.

No, no, somebody out there. Now I can't understand this concept at all. I'm still not sure of dimensions one and two. I believe dimension two is dimension one, it's just sub-letting or something. What is a one-dimensional thing? That's all right, enough jokes about Radio Shows there. What is a one-dimensional thing?

A line has only got one dimension because it's only got…….…..You can only measure it….

All right then I'll buy this. A line is one-dimensional all right? So that's a line and a photograph is what then?

It's two dimensional, because you can be further along or further to the left or to the right, because you're moving along the surface of the photograph.

I think I'm understanding that okay and then there's a huge chunk between that and the three dimensions.

The third dimension is when you can actually move above and below the photograph, because you're actually moving in a three-dimensional world.

The fourth dimension anyone?

Is time.

Well so they say, but that doesn't make any sense. I'm losing the concept. There goes the concept (Cue Hillbilly type chase music) Dan's after it, but he's not going to catch it. The concept is up and over the hill and it's away.